Posts Tagged ‘old age’

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum – humor

December 16, 2009

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt.”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?

WHO SAYS WE’RE NOT RICH!!!

November 17, 2009

WHO SAYS WE’RE NOT RICH!!!


Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth.

Stones in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood.

Lead in the Feet.

Iron in the Arteries.

And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I’d accumulate such wealth!

Crabby Old Man – an inspirational story

November 6, 2009

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Missouri. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.   A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.
Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? … What do you see?

What are you thinking . . . . . when you’re looking at me?

A crabby old man . . . . . not very wise,

Uncertain of habit . . . . . . . … with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . . . . and makes no reply .

When you say in a loud voice . . . . . . . ‘I do wish you’d try!’

Who seems not to notice . . . the things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . .. . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill?

Is that what you’re thinking?   Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am.  As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding . . . . . . as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of Ten . .  . . . . with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . . . who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . . with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now . . . . . . . a lover he’ll meet…

A groom soon at Twenty, my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows . . . . . . that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . . . . I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . . . . . . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons … have grown and are gone,

But my woman’s beside me . . . . . . . to see I don’t mourn.

At Fifty, once more, babies play ’round my knee,

Again, we know children . . . . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me … my wife is now dead.

I look at the future … . . . . . . . . .  shudder with dread…

For my young are all rearing . . . . . . . young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man . . . . . . . . . . and nature is cruel.

‘Tis jest to make old age . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles . . . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.

There is now a stone . . . . . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . . a young guy still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . . . . my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys . . . . . . . . . I remember the pain.

And I’m loving and living . . . . . .. . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . . . . . gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people . . . . . . . . open and see.

Not a crabby old man.   Look closer . . . . see ME!!
Remember this poem when you meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . . . . we will all, be there one day, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM

The best and most beautiful things of this world can’t be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart.

God Bless All who read this poem and send it on…


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