Posts Tagged ‘policeman’

Texas traffic stop – humor

December 10, 2010

Texas traffic stop

A Texas guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman.  Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says, “I see your CCW permit.  Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket.  There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box.  And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says.  “Anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun.  That’s about it.”

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range…?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of…?”

“Not a damn thing…”

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Old Jack – an inspirational story

December 31, 2009

Old Jack

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.

‘Leave me alone,’ he growled.

To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling — her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. ‘Are you hungry?’ she asked.

‘No,’ he answered sarcastically. ‘I’ve just come from dining with the president. Now go away.’

The woman’s smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.

‘What are you doing, lady?’ the man asked angrily. ‘I said to leave me alone.

Just then a policeman came up. ‘Is there any problem, ma’am?’ he asked.

‘No problem here, officer,’ the woman answered. ‘I’m just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?

The officer scratched his head.  ‘That’s old Jack. He’s been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?’

‘See that cafeteria over there?’ she asked. ‘I’m going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.’

‘Are you crazy, lady?’ the homeless man resisted. ‘I don’t want to go in there!’ Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.

‘Let me go, officer. I didn’t do anything.’

‘This is a good deal for you, Jack,’ the officer answered. ‘Don’t blow it…’

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived. The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table.

‘What’s going on here, officer?’ he asked. ‘What is all this. Is this man in trouble?’

‘This lady brought this man in here to be fed,’ the policeman answered.

‘Not in here!’ the manager replied angrily. ‘Having a person like that here is bad for business.’

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. ‘See, lady. I told you so. Now if you’ll let me go. I didn’t want to come here in the first place.’

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. ‘Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?’

‘Of course I am,’ the manager answered impatiently. ‘They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms.’

‘And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?’

‘What business is that of yours?’

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company.’

‘Oh.’  The woman smiled again. ‘I thought that might make a difference.’ She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. ‘Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?’

‘No thanks, ma’am,’ the officer replied. ‘I’m on duty.’

‘Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?’

‘Yes, ma’am. That would be very nice.’

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel, ‘I’ll get your coffee for you right away, officer.’

The officer watched him walk away. ‘You certainly put him in his place,’ he said.

‘That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this’

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently. ‘Jack, do you remember me?’

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes ‘I think so — I mean you do look familiar.’

‘I’m a little older perhaps,’ she said. ‘Maybe I’ve even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry.’

‘Ma’am?’ the officer said questioningly.  He couldn’t believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

‘I was just out of college,’ the woman began. ‘I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn’t find anything.  Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat.’

Jack lit up with a smile.  ‘Now I remember,’ he said. ‘I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy’

‘I know,’ the woman continued. ‘Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register I knew then that everything would be all right.’

‘So you started your own business?’ Old Jack said.

‘I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up.    Eventually I started my own business, that, with the help of God, prospered.’ She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. ‘When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He’s the personnel director of my company. I’ll go talk to him now and I’m certain he’ll find something for you to do around the office.’  She smiled.

‘I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you.’

There were tears in the old man’s eyes. ‘How can I ever thank you?’ he said.

‘Don’t thank me,’ the woman answered. ‘To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus… He led me to you.’

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. ‘Thank you for all your help, officer,’ she said.

‘On the contrary, Ms. Eddy,’ he answered. ‘Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And… and thank you for the coffee.’

If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing. If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.

But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, you have missed everything in the world.

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always. And don’t forget that when you ‘cast your bread upon the waters,’ you never know how it will be returned to you.

(Hope this is repeated many times today!)

God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

A Christmas Story

December 29, 2009

A Christmas Story

The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn’t been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. He had no decorations, no tree, no lights.  It was just another day to him.  He didn’t hate Christmas, just couldn’t find a reason to celebrate.  There were no children in his life. His wife had gone.

He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through.  Instead of throwing the man out, George, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space heater and warm-up.

“Thank you, but I don’t mean to intrude,” said the stranger. “I see you’re busy.  I’ll just go”

“Not without something hot in your belly,” George turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger.

“It ain’t much, but it’s hot and tasty.  Stew.  Made it myself. When you’re done, there’s coffee and it’s fresh.”

Just at that moment he heard the “ding” of the driveway bell.

“Excuse me, be right back,” George said.

There in the driveway was an old 53 Chevy.  Steam was rolling out of the front.  The driver was panicked.

“Mister can you help me!” said the driver with a deep Spanish accent. “My wife is with child and my car is broken.”

George opened the hood.  It was bad.  The block looked cracked from the cold; the car was dead.  “You ain’t going in this thing,” George said as he turned away.

“But mister,  Please help….” The door of the office closed behind George as he went in.

George went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside.

He walked around the building and opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting.

“Here, you can borrow my truck,” he said.  “She ain’t the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good.”

George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night.  George turned and walked back inside the office.

“Glad I loaned ‘em the truck.  Their tires were shot too. That ‘ol truck has brand new tires……..” George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone.  The thermos was on the desk, empty with a used coffee cup beside it.

“Well, at least he got something in his belly,” George thought.

George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start.

It cranked slowly, but it started.  He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been.  He thought he would tinker with it for something to do.  Christmas Eve meant no customers.

He discovered the block hadn’t cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator.

“Well, I can fix this,” he said to himself.  So he put a new one on.

“Those tires ain’t gonna get ’em through the winter either.” He took the snow treads off of his wife’s old Lincoln. They were like new and he wasn’t going to drive the car.

As he was working he heard a shot being fired.  He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground.

Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, “Help me.”

George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic.  He knew the wound needed attention.  “Pressure to stop the bleeding,” he thought.  The laundry company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels.  He used those and duct tape to bind the wound.

“Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin’,” he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease.  “Something for pain,” George thought.  All he had was the pills he used for his back.

“These ought to work.” He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills.

“You hang in there.  I’m going to get you an ambulance.”

George said, but the phone was dead.  “Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your police car.”

He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio.  He went back in to find the policeman sitting up.

“Thanks,” said the officer.  “You could have left me there.  The guy that shot me is still in the area.”

George sat down beside him.  “I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain’t gonna leave you.” George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding.  “Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through ‘ya.  Good thing it missed the important stuff though.  I think with time your gonna be right as rain.”

George got up and poured a cup of coffee.  “How do you take it?” he asked.

“None for me,” said the officer.

“Oh, yer gonna drink this.  Best in the city.” Then George added: “Too bad I ain’t got no donuts.”

The officer laughed and winced at the same time.  The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun.

“Give me all your cash!  Do it now!” the young man yelled.

His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before.

“That’s the guy that shot me!” exclaimed the officer.

“Son, why are you doing this?” asked George.  “You need to put the cannon away.  Somebody else might get hurt.”

The young man was confused.  “Shut up old man, or I’ll shoot you, too.  Now give me the cash!”

The cop was reaching for his gun.

“Put that thing away,” George said to the cop.  “We got one too many in here now.”

He turned his attention to the young man.  “Son, it’s Christmas Eve.  If you need the money, well then, here.  It ain’t much but it’s all I got.  Now put that pea shooter away.”

George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time.

The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry.

“I’m not very good at this am I?  All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son,” he went on.  “I’ve lost my job. My rent is due.  My car got repossessed last week…”

George handed the gun to the cop.  “Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then.  The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can.”

He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop.

“Sometimes we do stupid things.” George handed the young man a cup of coffee.  “Being stupid is one of the things that make us human.  Comin’ in here with a gun ain’t the answer.  Now sit there and get warm and we’ll sort this thing out.”

The young man had stopped crying.  He looked over to the cop. “Sorry I shot you.  It just went off.  I’m sorry officer.”

“Shut up and drink your coffee.” the cop said.

George could hear the sounds of sirens outside.  A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt.  Two cops came through the door, guns drawn.  “Chuck!  You ok?” one of the cops asked the wounded officer.

“Not bad for a guy who took a bullet.  How did you find me?”

“GPS locator in the car.  Best thing since sliced bread.

Who did this?” the other cop asked as he approached the young man.

Chuck answered him, “I don’t know.  The guy ran off into the dark.  Just dropped his gun and ran.”

George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other.

“That guy works here,” the wounded cop continued.

“Yep,” George said.  “Just hired him this morning.  Boy lost his job.”

The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher.

The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, “Why?”

Chuck just said, “Merry Christmas, boy.  And you too, George, and thanks for everything.”

“Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there.  That ought to solve some of your problems.” George went into the back room and came out with a box.  He pulled out a ring box.

“Here you go.  Something for the little woman.  I don’t think Martha would mind.  She said it would come in handy some day.”

The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw.  “I can’t take this,” said the young man. “It means something to you.”

“And now it means something to you,” replied George.

“I got my memories.  That’s all I need.”

George reached into the box again.  A toy airplane, a racing car and a little metal truck appeared next.  They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell.  “Here’s something for that little man of yours.”

The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier.  “And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with?  You keep that, too.  Count it as part of your first week’s pay.” George said. “Now git home to your family.”

The young man turned with tears streaming down his face.

“I’ll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good.”

“Nope.  I’m closed Christmas day,” George said.  “See ya the day after.” George turned around to find that the stranger had returned.

“Where’d you come from?  I thought you left?”

“I have been here.  I have always been here,” said the stranger.  “You say you don’t celebrate Christmas.  Why?”

“Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn’t see what all the bother was.  Puttin’ up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree.

Bakin’ cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn’t the same by myself and besides I was getting a little chubby.”

The stranger put his hand on George’s shoulder.  “But you do celebrate the holiday, George.  You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry.  The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor.

The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists.

The young man who tried to rob you will become a rich man and share his wealth with many people. That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man.”

George was taken aback by all this stranger had said.  “And how do you know all this?” asked the old man.

“Trust me, George.  I have the inside track on this sort of thing.  And when your days are done you will be with Martha again.” The stranger moved toward the door.

“If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now.  I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned.”

George watched as the man’s old leather jacket and his torn pants turned into a white robe.  A golden light began to fill the room.

“You see, George, it’s My birthday. Merry Christmas.”


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