Posts Tagged ‘starbucks’

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY – (humor)

March 2, 2010

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Christmas by BHO

December 1, 2009

I BHO, President of the Socialist State of America, do hereby decree by Executive Order, prepared by the ACLU and bypassing Congress, that the word Christ and Christmas will be deleted.

 

‘Twas the month before Christmas

when all through our land,

not a Christian was praying

nor taking a stand.

 

Ya see BHO’s ‘Thought Police’

had taken them away,

the reason for Christmas

no one could say.

 

Children were told by their schools

not to sing,

about Shepherds and Wise Men

and Angels and things.

 

It might hurt people’s feelings,

the teachers would say,

December 25th

is just a ‘Holiday ‘.

 

Yet the shoppers were ready

with cash, checks and credit,

pushing folks down to the floor

just to get it!

 

CDs from Madonna, an X-BOX,

and an I-pod,

something was changing,

something quite odd!

 

Retailers promoted Ramadan

and Kwanzaa,

in hopes to sell books

by Franken & Fonda.

 

As Targets’ were hanging

their trees upside down,

at Lowe’s the word Christmas

was no where to be found.

 

At K-Mart and Staples

and Penney’s and Sears,

you won’t hear the word Christmas

it won’t touch your ears.

 

Inclusive, sensitive,

Di-vers-i-ty,

are words that were used

to intimidate me.

 

Now Daschle, Now Durban,

now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen,

on Boxer, on Rather

on Kerry, on Clinton!

 

At the top of the Senate

there arose such a clatter,

to eliminate Jesus

in all public matter.

 

And we spoke not a word

as they took away our faith,

forbidden to speak

of salvation and grace.

 

The true Gift of Christmas was

exchanged and discarded,

the reason for the season

stopped before it started.

 

So as you celebrate ‘Winter Break’

under your ‘Dream Tree’,

sipping your Starbucks

listen to me.

 

Choose your words carefully

choose what you say,

Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,

Not Happy Holiday!

 

Please, all Christians join together and wish everyone you meet during the Holidays a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christ is ‘The Reason’ for the Christ-mas Season!

If you agree, please forward.


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